As I lay there waiting for time to pass I came across this
article about a mother who was diagnosed with cancer and at the same time found
out she was pregnant. She went through chemo while she was pregnant and had to
have a mastectomy and when she was finally induced at 37 weeks she was able to
breastfeed for only a short time before going back on chemo.
The pictures broke my heart because I could see she just
couldn’t believe that she was able to have this baby. I tried to imagine myself as this woman facing
her reality and baring her brunt and I just cried, she was trying to raise
money to get donor milk and at the same time was trying to raise her two older
kids, fix her car and survive the treatment for her disease, every post she
asked for prayers and thanked God, and i just lay there and cried. I cried
because my life was good, man I cried and cried
and cried.
I went on to read comments and how this was the story of so
many other woman. So many had to fight for their lives to bring children into
this worlds and others didn’t live long enough to see these children grow. I
looked at my life of privilege, I look at my situation and all the problems I
had and just cried because I felt inconsiderate, spoilt and selfish for not
just being grateful. Her story felt so close, I battled great depression when I
had my son, but this woman all the way
across the world from me in a situation it could have been me, but it wasn’t so
I cried.
I was overwhelmed with such gratitude and I just cried some
more.
It reminded me I need to fix things with my husband (Which is the reason why I was hiding in the first place) we get
so caught up being parents, and going through the motions that we forget to
just be nice to each other, be considerate of each other and be mindful.
