I got on the scale today and found that I had gained 3.3 kg
in 2 months. I got on an off because I am certain that the scale is broken and
it gave me the same result.
I have gained 13 kg this year, steady 1kg increments
sneaking up on me little barsteds thinking I wouldn’t see them. Well I didn’t.
Ok maybe I did and I had all the intent in the world to do something about it.
I promise I did and to think back to earlier this year when I have 2kg to go to
my goal weight and now I’m 15kg in. Fuck ME!
I want to blame the nuts – I went on a 21 day fast and drowned
my sorrows in nuts. I gained a steady 6 kg that month. Anyway it can’t all be
the nuts. I had a lot of final meals too.
Like I’m so going to
train hard tomorrow so ima eat this KFC for the last time. Or this burger WITH
the dessert, and its fine that I feel like I’m going to vom because tomorrow I’m
starting L
I have considered bulimia – I just find throwing up
inconvenient. Really that’s the only reason I haven’t gone there (hold your
judgement please)
I have also considered taking the diet pills on the black
market the ones a friend (who will not be names) told me I can get at that Engen
garage by the Haartes T-Junction, you know the one past Lanseria. But I’m not
good with pills and I’m breastfeeding but mostly because I’m not good with
pills. Birth control pills where a job and now I have a son but look I digress.
I think I am at a very interesting place where the euphoria
of getting fit has steadily faded and now it’s down to hard work – what’s that
about? Also I seem to have overcome my general self hatred of my body, it
happens when you are in a loving relationship and have a kid because as some
point you need to get back to living.
I need to do something now. Today Now because I don’t have
another kg to give.(To be used interchangeably with Fux going forward) Not one
single one and when I go back to the Dr. 4 Jan shit would had have needed to
change and look in the greater universal law of ‘some-things’ giving. I refuse
to be that something.
So I have a plan – Arg I always have a plan – I have planned
the job.
Keep you posted
