There is nothing wrong with islands, the uninhabited are the most peaceful

In my growing and learning I learn more about myself and even more about other people.

I am struggling a bit with some personal relationships letting people in then they are too close and then having to redefine my boundaries which is always a tricky thing.

I am finding that I am becoming more intolerant as I seek to de-clutter my life and simplify my existence. I just want to preserve my energy so I can be a functioning individual in all aspects of my life. It’s not even about what the broader society demands of me I just need to get on with things and really don’t have hours to dedicate to sulking anymore or stroking egos or hugging it out. Can we just be past that already?

I am having to ask myself reluctantly so, if I am a bad person. If I am a closed off person if I am difficult to speak to or relate to.

I try so hard to make people see how wonderful I am and how we really could be great friends and how I promise you will love me then I invite them in make them comfy. Why am I then the same person who is hurt, no hurt is the wrong word, irritated when I realise you are an ungrateful asshole who just came to my inner circle for the “great coffee and free wifi” and now I have to maneuver around the complication you let in because you didn’t think it pertinent to shut the door behind you.

I never know what to do then, do I step back, will you notice do I confront you or do I just turn the aircon up and hope to goodness that you will leave?

I envy the happiness and confidence that people with simple lives have - my husband is one - he has clearly defined his family and friends and his life is full and uncomplicated. I am teaching him to network and make friends but after today i just want to say you know actually you had a good thing going there.

As I make the circle even smaller I realise I have a general dislike for people until they have shown their colours and drawn their lines in the sand. I won’t deal with the unknown anymore, I don’t have the capacity...

You don’t have to leave my life immediately, I am just saying I can hear you perfectly fine from the other side of the wall

My weight story continues

At a point not too long ago I was only 2kg from my goal weight, but I have gained half of it back in the space of 2 months. And I honestly want to blame nuts, corn nuts in particular but nuts in general.

Anyway I need to get out of these bad habits and in my lifetime reach my goal weight of 63kg.

The first part is to get a scale and deal with myself over the next few weeks. My Ciara body missions cannot just be something I day-dream about on my way to work while drive-dancing to body party.

I am notorious for making excuses for myself and spending my time planning to do things and not getting around to it. Man is it too much to get in shape. Is it too much to not live a life of deprivation? Is it too much to not have some bread now and then?

I just wana live, but live healthily and feel good in my body.

First thing first ... get a scale L