A Girl Named Mokibelo

Today i came to a turning point, not the kind where you sit on your own and make some grave decision to change your life but one of those forced turning points where you realise that you cant bare to go forward anymore and there is nothing to turn back to so you kinda turn right.

Anele said something one day in her interview - you will never loose anything by just asking and heck look where she is today. I try not to think back to anything because i feel as human beings we progress so by default of involuntary learning we grow. So as i was saying i think back to the way that i was in 2004, coming out of matric absolutely excited about life with nothing to lose and the chances i was willing to take, i had a plan, a vague plan with not much detail but i plan non the less. Needless to say that life got in the way then love came and well 7 years later here i am. Absolutly filled with love from a wonderful husband but frustrated in every other part of my life.

One must never loose sight of the bigger picture which in my case is remembering that even though where i am sitting is dark, i just happen to be standing on the piece of the puzzle wich is the pupil of an eye, but its a beautiful eye and its looking into the future and well my future is bright.

I haven’t quite figured myself out; I feel like I’m an independent person looking into the life of a girl named Mokibelo; trying to figure out her next move, trying to help her not make the same mistake trying to help her realise that she has so much potential trying to keep her alive long enough to get through this next part of my life. The devil does not attack you because of who you are, but because of your destiny (who he knows you can become) but it’s all made of choices, like every turn in life is a choice and and its time I stopped asking for Grace to get through my days, but instead believing the time for the good work that God has begun in me to be completed is now.

Here goes

La Bo Bedi

I need to get a blue tooth keyboard for the toilet. its my happy place. i go there sometimes to just hang out... um yeah... so I take my phone and play music or check through my twitter TL and just wait a while. the toilet is like my quiet place. no one bugs you or questions why you have been there so long. i mean they don't ask cause they think it might embarrass you so they just assume - which is fine. sometimes i go there to just be quiet. it is the place where i make sense of my day and order my thoughts somewhat.
so like the blue tooth keyboard and screen would be for blogging, i had to leave the happy place to come to my laptop and write this - how inconvenient!

I'm typing away with a joint in my mouth - for effect if no other reason. I need inspiration to breath at the moment - then i am just a dramatic little thing. I'm tired of this negativity, its so flipping exhausting. today has been a dud of a day *crumples up page* lets try again tomorrow 

Cold Bright lights

I find that I always write because i am feeling emotional or because something is about to happen, once in a while I am about to embark on making some deep decision that will impact the rest of my life but then I write and get it out of my systems and it becomes just that., a thought or idea that has just gotten out of my system.

But poison like food colouring, like seeds of dreams never quite leave your system, they sometimes find a place to hide, often behind busy schedules, or responsibilities or daily necessities.

Someone said something so profound to me about potential, they had gotten that point of realizing that in that moment at that very place, they would not reach their full potential if they remained in that situation (environment)
See something happens or someone will say something in passing, and better yet in my case someone (wont) say something and it all comes back, that baboo shoot that has been growing under the soil finally breaks ground. To reach that sweet spot where your passion meets your commitments you would need to not be there anymore. ‘Not be there’ as a pose to leaving because leaving becomes such a process – have to just stop being there – there in mind – in spirit – in essence- in focus- in energy- in mind space-in virtue