In my growing and learning I learn more about myself and
even more about other people.
I am struggling a bit with some personal relationships
letting people in then they are too close and then having to redefine my
boundaries which is always a tricky thing.
I am finding that I am becoming more intolerant as I seek to
de-clutter my life and simplify my existence. I just want to preserve my energy
so I can be a functioning individual in all aspects of my life. It’s not even
about what the broader society demands of me I just need to get on with things
and really don’t have hours to dedicate to sulking anymore or stroking egos or
hugging it out. Can we just be past that already?
I am having to ask myself reluctantly so, if I am a bad
person. If I am a closed off person if I am difficult to speak to or relate to.
I try so hard to make people see how wonderful I am and how
we really could be great friends and how I promise you will love me then I
invite them in make them comfy. Why am I then the same person who is hurt, no
hurt is the wrong word, irritated when I realise you are an ungrateful asshole
who just came to my inner circle for the “great coffee and free wifi” and now I
have to maneuver around the complication you let in because you didn’t think
it pertinent to shut the door behind you.
I never know what to do then, do I step back, will you
notice do I confront you or do I just turn the aircon up and hope to goodness
that you will leave?
I envy the happiness and confidence that people with simple lives
have - my husband is one - he has clearly defined his family and friends and
his life is full and uncomplicated. I am teaching him to network and make
friends but after today i just want to say you know actually you had a good
thing going there.
As I make the circle even smaller I realise I have a general
dislike for people until they have shown their colours and drawn their lines in
the sand. I won’t deal with the unknown anymore, I don’t have the capacity...
You don’t have to leave my life immediately, I am just
saying I can hear you perfectly fine from the other side of the wall
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